I remember the day I had first found out I was pregnant. I went to get a check up done (around the time they introduced Cervical testing and smears to young women). I also ended up taking a friend with me, to make the whole event seem more casual and less mundane. It was only early into my appointment when the doctor asked "is there any chance you could be pregnant". I almost fell off my chair and laughed; had her face not been so sour looking. I said NO, but agreed to take a test anyway. While waiting in reception for results, a wave of disgust had come over my body. My friend by this point was smiling awkwardly, probably just as nervous and pondering whether she still wanted to be my friend after this. I could imagine the millions of places I would of rather her be at this point but now she was stuck looking at me, feeling just as nervous, waiting for the million dollar result. When the doctor called my name back in to the room, I just knew that the test had come back positive.
"Your pregnant" she said with a slight look of disappointment on her face, I knew because I had felt the same way she was looking just moments before. This should have prepared me for a lot more of these exchanges when telling people further on down the track, but I was naive in thinking that people would be more understanding than her. I was only a teenager coming to the end of my high school life and now I was pregnant.
My pregnancy came with a stir of emotions, reactions and most definitely a lot of truths. For example I quickly realized who were my real friends, How much I needed my family, how much my life had now changed and most importantly gave me a whole new family to love.
But none of it all mattered when he was born though.
22 of March 2009
And he was perfect. A head full of hair, big eyes like his dad and a little button nose. He was and still is the most important and amazing boy to have ever taken my heart . (Naw cute)
And life had only just started. You know they tell you all the things that are hard once baby's born. You know things like the lack of sleep, not knowing why they're crying, constant fear of losing them every single day, the pain you get lodged in your heart when they're sick and you cant do anything, how you have a permanent look of a homeless bum everyday and how you will go for days without washing your hair occasionally. But no one tells you that if your a teen mum, all this will only amount to half of your worries.
Your friends will still go out and party, they'll travel and study and still have time to do everything they plan within 24hrs. But you, you will be home with your baby, scrolling through your news feed watching them and promising to "catch up real soon". Your family will love being around your child and want to help in anyway they can, But they will also have opinions of whats best for him and what you should be doing with and for him because your still so young. Their intentions will be in the right place (ALWAYS) for you both. But you'll still doubt your own abilities because of it. Your boyfriend, he will still love you afterwards and will still be there like you knew he would, but being romantic is not a priority and his attention is now on baby just like you. Alone time will now consist of falling asleep because your both exhausted. Hell appreciate that your attention will be on someone else and that you've eased off on suffocating his every move. He, like you, will be judged as a young dad too. You will go out with baby and although your a good mum and trying your best, everyone will look at you through the same "shes so young" glasses. People will talk, some will even tell you how they feel. Like that lady that told you shes not moving out of the pram and wheelchair seats because "your young enough to hold your pram and stand". Or like the man at the doctors that assumed, because his dad was at work while he had his jabs, that my child was fatherless. Or exactly like the old couple at the cafe that seemed nice at first but then asked if it was "our way of life" being teen mothers and brides?!?!?!
But YOU CHOSE THIS! and girl to that little human you are 'bad ass' So you need to keep on keeping on.
It took me a long time to brush off those ugly stares, to listen to peoples advice and take it with a grain of salt. To understand that you don't always need to get the "motherly instinct" that everyone talks about, you just need to love that baby and do everything in your power to ensure that he is looked after. You literally cant take in the judgement or over-bearing from anyone when it comes to your baby just because your young. Take it from me you will cry everyday otherwise. First of all you are a woman! There's no way in hell that you were able to hold a baby in your womb (for 9 long and draining months, FYI where was this so called baby glow); then push or have a c-section to enter them into the world, only to break down over horrible people. Your road ahead will be a lot harder then most. Your plans of a future will not be as thought out and in my case a lot easier then without him. The idea is to get your rhino skin (no I'm not talking about the stretchies either) but that thick skin out and rough it out. You ride and you die for the sake of that child and you make it work either way. You will get a chance to breath I promise you (thanks family) but it will only be rewarding everyday.
I think being such a young mum is a lot of the reason that I only have just the one for this long. I realized that it was such a tough world being a parent still trying to understand how our earth worked. So uniformed, so naive, so stubborn and so blinded to the realities of living. Now seven years down the track, I know that I would have been more equipped had we gotten pregnant with him today. But I don't ever regret the choice I made. I wouldn't have him otherwise, and the three of us wouldn't of had each other. But I don't want the same for him, or any of our babies after him. I don't regret the toughest parts of being his (young) mum and I only look forward to hopefully being a little more understanding, a wee bit more youthful in approaches to him one day becoming a teenager (arrrrrgh) and honestly just being a milf (Kidding)
Disclaimer: I dont encourage youth pregnancy or being sexually active at a young age. This post started out as a stint of judgement and ended on with my own personal journal post (lol, sorry)
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